Always Outside Looking In

October 18, 2019 at 11:46 PM | Posted in Musings | Leave a comment
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You know that feeling when you think you belong to a group but you’re actually not? I get that most of the time. I am an introvert with a bad case of social anxiety. I am awkward around people, and most of the time I don’t know what to say to them or how to react to certain situations. And that’s why most people perceive me as cold and aloof. Because I don’t talk much. I don’t smile much.

I’m not inclined to respond to small talk, especially about mundane things. If something doesn’t pique my interest, I have very little reaction to it. I mean, I try to be sociable. God knows I try. But it’s just hard for me. And it can be very stressful trying to be sociable, especially around people I don’t know very well.

Maybe that’s why even when I’m part of a few groups I still feel like an outsider. Conversations happen in front of me or around me, but there are times when I feel like I’m being excluded because I can’t keep up with their chatter or with their humor. I’m in the circle but I’m not really in it. I’m just looking in.

Woke

August 25, 2019 at 3:18 PM | Posted in Musings, TV | Leave a comment

I grew up at a time when society’s perception of women in general was still traditional and backwards. Even in the media and on TV back then, I was used to seeing women being portrayed mainly as housewives who do all the household chores while the men work or play sports. That, or women were portrayed as only sex objects to be played around by men.

Growing up in a traditional household and with strict Catholic upbringing, I was taught that women should do all the housework and that they should know how to cook, sew and mend clothes, and take care of children. I grew up in a big house living with extended family members, with aunts, uncles and male cousins around the house. They used to hold parties every now and then and I would observe that women would stay on one side sipping punch while the men drink hard liquor and smoke cigarettes on the other side.

Back then, my extended family and I would also often watch TV together. So early on, I was exposed to so much sexism on TV and movies – from James Bond films to beauty contests. My family thought it was amusing to see James Bond sleep with so many women and just discard them easily. To them it’s okay because “he’s a man.” They also thought there’s nothing wrong with men ogling women in bikinis in a beauty contest.

But now that I’m an adult, I realized just how much women were at a disadvantage back then, and how they were wrongly perceived and treated by society. That’s why I stopped watching beauty contests and James Bond movies because of how they treat women.

It’s rare to see strong female characters on TV and movies back then. But we’ve come a long way now and women in the media and in the entertainment industry are now well represented compared to 30-50 years ago (maybe not completely yet but we’ll get there).

That’s why I’m very thankful for shows like The X-Files, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xena: Warrior Princess for having strong female characters that changed television. These strong female characters taught me that women are just as smart and capable as men.

Being Different

July 29, 2019 at 3:39 PM | Posted in Music, Musings | Leave a comment

Do you ever get that feeling when you hear a song for the first time and it feels like it’s speaking to you?

Well that has happened to me before but more recently when I first heard the song, “So Am I” by Ava Max. The song first caught my attention because of its catchy beat but when I heard the lyrics, it felt like it was talking about me.

The song talks about being different from everyone else and embracing that difference. For years, I’ve always felt that way about myself. Having social anxiety all my life, people generally regard my silence and aloofness as weird. I don’t talk much and I don’t smile much, especially around strangers. Like what in the song says, I get weird looks because of it and can hear whispers from people talking about me behind my back. Most of the time, I can feel people’s eyes on me regarding my “weirdness” with interest.

It’s just refreshing to see that there’s a song out there that makes people like me feel like I’m not the only one. That there are others who are like me. The song is genuine, uplifting and generates positivity. And it doesn’t hurt that it’s a danceable tune too.

So Am I

(Artist: Ava Max)

Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I-I-I-I-I)

Can you hear the whispers all across the room?
You feel her eyes all over you like cheap perfume
You’re beautiful, but misunderstood
So why you tryna be just like the neighborhood?

I can see it, I know what you’re feelin’
So let me tell you ’bout my little secret
I’m a little crazy underneath this
Underneath this

Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I)
Do you ever feel like an outcast?
You don’t have to fit into the format
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I-I-I-I-I)

Oh so, dressed so fancy like Sid and Nancy (Yeah)
Walkin’ Killer Queen, gotta keep ’em guessin’
So baby come pass me a lighter
We’re gonna leave ’em on fire
We’re the sinners and the blessings

I can see it, I know what you’re feelin’
So let me tell you ’bout my little secret
I’m a little crazy underneath this
Underneath this, ooh

Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I)
Do you ever feel like an outcast?
You don’t have to fit into the format
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I-I-I-I-I)

You’re king and you’re queen
You’re strong and you’re weak
You’re bound but so free
(Ah-ah-ah)
So come and join me
And call me Harley
And we’ll make a scene

Do you ever feel like a misfit?
Everything inside you is dark and twisted
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I)
Do you ever feel like an outcast?
You don’t have to fit into the format
Oh, but it’s okay to be different
‘Cause baby, so am I (So am I, so am I, so am I-I-I-I-I)

Source: LyricFind

 

Leaving Facebook

January 12, 2019 at 4:14 PM | Posted in Musings, Technology | Leave a comment
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So I’ve finally deleted my personal Facebook account. I deleted it before 2018 ended. That’s always been my plan since early last year. I’ve never been an active user of Facebook. I was only forced to open an account on Facebook in 2011 because it was part of my job as a digital marketer. But over the years, I never liked the Facebook community. Somehow I found it to be a toxic community, with people always wanting to get their 15 minutes of fame with their posts, videos or photos. Everyone seemed to want their posts to become viral. People there were either always exchanging barbs against each other and picking fights with anyone or they constantly brag about how “perfect” their life is. There’s just so much fakery on Facebook that it got so tiring eventually.

Then there was the time when I was bullied on Facebook by my former coworkers. It happened to me twice and during times when I didn’t even have an account yet. A misunderstanding or minor argument with a coworker got posted on Facebook and before I knew it, people were joining in the conversation and wanting to have their say to the matter as well even if it didn’t involve them. There was too much gossiping and slandering that it became ugly. Many of those people I knew treated the platform as their designated war zone where they can harass or bully other people. I was so disgusted by it that I never accepted their friend requests nor have I added them to my friends list when I signed up on the platform.

Then of course the Cambridge Analytica scandal happened and several breaches on the platform followed. After that, I never trusted Facebook again with my private information. So when I bought a new laptop last December, I downloaded all my data and deleted my account on Facebook. I only informed a few friends about my account deletion. They know I can be reached by other means when they want to keep in touch.

It’s so easy for me to give up Facebook unlike most people who couldn’t let go of it. I’m not that addicted to the platform anyway. I prefer Twitter actually because people there are more real than on Facebook. Only a few people know about my Twitter account and I like to keep it that way.

Just Passing By

November 16, 2018 at 9:47 PM | Posted in Musings | Leave a comment

Some people come and go in your life. Whether they are your classmate, a work colleague or a fellow member of your organization. Some can become your friends while others can become your enemies. But there are those who come into your life merely as a life lesson and just a part of an experience. While you might have considered them initially as a friend, eventually they will leave you and move on with their life. They will not stick with you for a long time. They are just passing by.

On the other hand, I’m also the type who would cut off people from my life if I’m betrayed. Through the years, I have known many people who I used to consider as friends. But time passed by and friendships were tested. I eventually learned who can be trusted and who would betray that trust. I also learned who among them were just fair-weather friends. I already got burned by friends who only took advantage of what I could give them.

But there are also those people who I have outgrown (or have outgrown me). Others just faded away due to distance and lack of communication. I find the latter to be ridiculous because in this modern day of social media and advanced technology, anyone can be reached through various means – whether through a phone call, text message, email, Twitter DM, Facebook message, Skype, WhatsApp, Viber, etc. Unfortunately, some people just couldn’t be bothered to reach out and keep in touch.

Anyway, these people who have faded are now just part of my experience – a mere life lesson that tells me they are not meant to stay.

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