Leaving Facebook

January 12, 2019 at 4:14 PM | Posted in Musings, Technology | Leave a comment

So I’ve finally deleted my personal Facebook account. I deleted it before 2018 ended. That’s always been my plan since early last year. I’ve never been an active user of Facebook. I was only forced to open an account on Facebook in 2011 because it was part of my job as a digital marketer. But over the years, I never liked the Facebook community. Somehow I found it to be a toxic community, with people always wanting to get their 15 minutes of fame with their posts, videos or photos. Everyone seemed to want their posts to become viral. People there were either always exchanging barbs against each other and picking fights with anyone or they constantly brag about how “perfect” their life is. There’s just so much fakery on Facebook that it got so tiring eventually.

Then there was the time when I was bullied on Facebook by my former coworkers. It happened to me twice and during times when I didn’t even have an account yet. A misunderstanding or minor argument with a coworker got posted on Facebook and before I knew it, people were joining in the conversation and wanting to have their say to the matter as well even if it didn’t involve them. There was too much gossiping and slandering that it became ugly. Many of those people I knew treated the platform as their designated war zone where they can harass or bully other people. I was so disgusted by it that I never accepted their friend requests nor have I added them to my friends list when I signed up on the platform.

Then of course the Cambridge Analytica scandal happened and several breaches on the platform followed. After that, I never trusted Facebook again with my private information. So when I bought a new laptop last December, I downloaded all my data and deleted my account on Facebook. I only informed a few friends about my account deletion. They know I can be reached by other means when they want to keep in touch.

It’s so easy for me to give up Facebook unlike most people who couldn’t let go of it. I’m not that addicted to the platform anyway. I prefer Twitter actually because people there are more real than on Facebook. Only a few people know about my Twitter account and I like to keep it that way.

Just Passing By

November 16, 2018 at 9:47 PM | Posted in Musings | Leave a comment

Some people come and go in your life. Whether they are your classmate, a work colleague or a fellow member of your organization. Some can become your friends while others can become your enemies. But there are those who come into your life merely as a life lesson and just a part of an experience. While you might have considered them initially as a friend, eventually they will leave you and move on with their life. They will not stick with you for a long time. They are just passing by.

On the other hand, I’m also the type who would cut off people from my life if I’m betrayed. Through the years, I have known many people who I used to consider as friends. But time passed by and friendships were tested. I eventually learned who can be trusted and who would betray that trust. I also learned who among them were just fair-weather friends. I already got burned by friends who only took advantage of what I could give them.

But there are also those people who I have outgrown (or have outgrown me). Others just faded away due to distance and lack of communication. I find the latter to be ridiculous because in this modern day of social media and advanced technology, anyone can be reached through various means – whether through a phone call, text message, email, Twitter DM, Facebook message, Skype, WhatsApp, Viber, etc. Unfortunately, some people just couldn’t be bothered to reach out and keep in touch.

Anyway, these people who have faded are now just part of my experience – a mere life lesson that tells me they are not meant to stay.

Understanding Social Anxiety

August 9, 2018 at 9:35 AM | Posted in Musings, Psychology | Leave a comment
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I came across this recent article about introversion and social anxiety and I was just blown away by how similar my experiences were with the writer.

I have known for a long time that I’m an introvert. I was also extremely shy as a child and kept to myself most of the time. For years, I thought I inherited my extreme shyness from my mother who was also shy and an introvert. I thought that was there to it – until I found out the term “social anxiety disorder” or SAD.

I first encountered the term when a Twitter page of an American indie film followed me on Twitter a few years ago. The film was about a guy with social anxiety disorder. Out of curiosity, I looked up the term “social anxiety disorder” and was shocked to discover that I had almost all the symptoms of the disorder. All this time I thought what I was experiencing was just a result of my extreme shyness. I didn’t know that there was a psychological term for it.

I’ve been known by my friends and family as “the quiet one” and people I’ve met always have this impression of me being suplada or masungit (cold and aloof). I know some people think of me as antisocial because I don’t interact much with coworkers or mingle with other acquaintances. But they don’t know what I’m going through. They don’t know that it stresses me out just to have a small talk with them. It causes me severe anxiety whenever I have to be around people I don’t know very well. I am fearful every time I have to attend conference call meetings with colleagues from different countries. And I hate it when I’m forced to talk or present in front of people.

I am only ever talkative when I’m around with my friends. I only feel comfortable when I’m around them where I can talk about common interests. But knowing I have social anxiety is one thing; letting people know about it is another thing. For one, there is still social stigma in my country about things related to mental health. Second, most people don’t even know what social anxiety is, let alone understand it.  So it is rather difficult to tell people about it without the risk of getting ridiculed.

Current Mood: Being Real

June 29, 2018 at 11:40 PM | Posted in Music, Musings | Leave a comment
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The devil is in the details, so they say. These two songs just speak to me these days. The songs may be old, but I always love listening to them.

I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme)
(Artist: John Rzeznik)

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that’s held in your arms.
And what do you think you’d ever say?
I won’t listen anyway…
You don’t know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you’d understand?
I’m a boy, no, I’m a man..
You can’t take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what’s never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don’t know me ’cause I’m not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
‘Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I’m not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can’t break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

(Artist: Plumb)

Look at me I’m twenty three
Beautiful, a sight to see

A little dress to draw the press
And I’ll be leaving
All the rest behind

Well, be pleased, girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say?

Aren’t I lovely?
And do you want me?
‘Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me?
And do you love me?
‘Cause I am desperately searching for something real

I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice

I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light

Well, be pleased, world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say?

Aren’t I lovely?
And do you want me?
‘Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me?
And do you love me?
‘Cause I am desperately searching for something real

The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades away

Aren’t I lovely?
And do you want me?
‘Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me?
And do you love me?
‘Cause I am desperately searching for something real

Ode to My Friends

May 26, 2018 at 10:12 PM | Posted in Musings | Leave a comment

I’ve never been one to warm up so easily to people, especially to new acquaintances. I don’t even open up to most people despite knowing some of them for years. In fact, I’m known by many to be quite a mystery. That’s why I have deep appreciation for my friends who stuck with me despite my quirks, my mood swings and seeming aloofness.

My lack of verbal communication doesn’t mean that I don’t acknowledge everything that they do for me and with me. I do. I appreciate each and every one of them. For their time. For their utmost patience and understanding. For their care.

I greatly appreciate them for setting aside time from their busy schedule and family life to meet me for dinner or coffee and just hang out. I appreciate them for putting up with me even though I know I’m difficult to be with sometimes. I appreciate them for thinking of me and including me in their plans.

And I know most of them don’t even read my blog because… duh, Facebook is such a distraction. Buy anyway, I just want to say thank you to my friends (you know who you are).

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