Current Mood: Being Real

June 29, 2018 at 11:40 PM | Posted in Music, Musings | Leave a comment
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The devil is in the details, so they say. These two songs just speak to me these days. The songs may be old, but I always love listening to them.

I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme)
(Artist: John Rzeznik)

I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that’s held in your arms.
And what do you think you’d ever say?
I won’t listen anyway…
You don’t know me,
And I’ll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you’d understand?
I’m a boy, no, I’m a man..
You can’t take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what’s never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
They don’t know me ’cause I’m not here.

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
‘Cause I’m not here.

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I’m not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can’t break me
As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don’t feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.

Real
(Artist: Plumb)

Look at me I’m twenty three
Beautiful, a sight to see
Tonight

A little dress to draw the press
And I’ll be leaving
All the rest behind

Well, be pleased, girl
If this is what you wanted
The whole world is watching you take the stage
What will you say?

Aren’t I lovely?
And do you want me?
‘Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me?
And do you love me?
‘Cause I am desperately searching for something real

I close my eyes imagine time
Will not forget
My sacrifice

I numb the ache and decorate
My emptiness
Stand naked in the light

Well, be pleased, world
If this is what you wanted
This young girl is everything that you made
What will she say?

Aren’t I lovely?
And do you want me?
‘Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me?
And do you love me?
‘Cause I am desperately searching for something real

The world goes home
The lights go down
My lipstick fades away

Aren’t I lovely?
And do you want me?
‘Cause I am hungry for something that will make me real
Can you see me?
And do you love me?
‘Cause I am desperately searching for something real

Ode to My Friends

May 26, 2018 at 10:12 PM | Posted in Musings | Leave a comment

I’ve never been one to warm up so easily to people, especially to new acquaintances. I don’t even open up to most people despite knowing some of them for years. In fact, I’m known by many to be quite a mystery. That’s why I have deep appreciation for my friends who stuck with me despite my quirks, my mood swings and seeming aloofness.

My lack of verbal communication doesn’t mean that I don’t acknowledge everything that they do for me and with me. I do. I appreciate each and every one of them. For their time. For their utmost patience and understanding. For their care.

I greatly appreciate them for setting aside time from their busy schedule and family life to meet me for dinner or coffee and just hang out. I appreciate them for putting up with me even though I know I’m difficult to be with sometimes. I appreciate them for thinking of me and including me in their plans.

And I know most of them don’t even read my blog because… duh, Facebook is such a distraction. Buy anyway, I just want to say thank you to my friends (you know who you are).

YOLO

April 30, 2017 at 11:58 PM | Posted in Health, Musings | Leave a comment

You only live once. Life is short. Seize the day.

I have heard of these lines many times before but they take on a different meaning for me these days. Just this week, I found out that my uncle has been recently diagnosed with lung cancer. I was completely surprised by this because I never thought it would happen to him even though he’s a heavy smoker. I mean, I’m not really sure how many cigarettes he smokes in a day but I know that he smokes several times a day.

I’m not really close to my uncle given that he went to Bahrain to work when I was just a child. I was already in college when he came back in the country for a short visit. Since then, he’s been coming home every two years. When he’s in the country for a visit, he would often hang around and go out with my male cousin. But since my cousin got married and got busy with his family, I became my uncle’s companion most of the time. He came to visit me when I was in Dubai for a few weeks in 2015. We had fun touring Dubai together. Since that trip, I somehow reconnected with him. He’s unlike my other uncles. He’s open-minded and he can level with anyone he speaks with.

And now that he’s sick, I feel very sad. He was diagnosed about two months ago but no one told me and my sister. My aunt – who first found out – assumed that we knew. I keep in touch with my uncle through email when he’s in Bahrain. I emailed him just last month but I never got a reply. Little did know that he was already sick.

I could just imagine what he must have felt like when he found out about his cancer. My aunts told me that he’s been crying ever since he found out and he’s depressed. He’s scheduled for an operation next week and I don’t know what will happen to him after that. I only know that he’s going to come home for good soon.

This sad news just makes me realize how important one’s health is, and how important it is to live a healthy lifestyle. Thank God I don’t smoke. I never tried smoking in my whole life and I have no plans in doing it. But in the past few months, my health also took a considerable turn. I’m always stressed out and exhausted because of work. I’m sleep-deprived and could not eat properly. My blood pressure is way up most of the time and I’m in and out of the clinic because of it. My uncle’s situation is definitely a wake up call. As the saying goes, “You only live once,” which means I have to take care of myself and start putting myself first above all.

I really hope my uncle will fight it off and get better eventually. He’s still young and I hope he lives longer.

Zen

January 28, 2017 at 9:26 PM | Posted in Health, Lifestyle, Musings | Leave a comment

In this day and age, people have become accustomed to multitasking. This especially holds true in the corporate world where there is a misconception that it is better to multitask to be more efficient at work. I myself have become a victim of this unhealthy practice. I was a workaholic before and I got used to multitasking because in a fast-paced corporate world, that’s what was expected from everyone.

But over time, I came to experience the side effects of overworking and multitasking. I suffered from creative burnout and my brain wasn’t as sharp anymore as it used to be. My energy levels dropped and I felt mentally exhausted most of the time. I even tried taking vitamins to keep my energy levels up. But it wasn’t as effective as I had hoped.

It’s been years since I had a long relaxing vacation. I’ve been missing out on so many things. And last year, my life was so toxic that I had to cleanse my mind from all the negativity and bad vibes. One day I gave myself a break. I went to the park and allowed myself to relax and enjoy my surroundings. But I know I need more than that.

zen-philosophy-quote

Photo credit: beliefnet.com

Lately, I’m thinking of starting to live a balanced lifestyle. I plan to give more time for myself and enjoy life. I always believe in living in the moment and taking time to appreciate the simple things in life and be one with nature. But certain obligations and limitations prevented me from doing just that.

This year, I am hoping that I will have time for that, and that it will be the start of a long-term balanced lifestyle.

Me and the City

October 30, 2015 at 11:05 PM | Posted in Lifestyle, Musings | Leave a comment
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I’m slowly conditioning myself to the fact that I will be leaving my apartment and moving to a new condo by next month with my sister. And while I’m so glad that my sister and I finally have a place of our own, I couldn’t help but feel sad about leaving. I’ve lived in Makati City for over ten years now and to move to another city will definitely be a jolt for me. I loved living in this city because it’s only minutes away from the central business district and the vibrant nightlife. Yes I know the city is known for its horrendous traffic, but then again so is everywhere. This is the Philippines after all.

A peek at Ayala Triangle Park in Makati

A peek at Ayala Triangle Park in Makati

But Makati is sort of a comfort zone for me. Somehow it doesn’t feel as crowded as Quezon City or any other city in Manila for that matter. I’ve gotten used to the hustle and bustle of Makati and its ever-changing city landscape. Shops have come and gone. New malls have sprung up. Parks have changed. But I can still live with that. That’s how it goes in the big city.

I think I’m going to miss my trips to Ayala Triangle Park where I used to jog at night. I’m going to miss seeing the skyscrapers along Ayala Avenue in the morning on my way to work. I will miss the malls I frequent on weekends, and I will definitely miss the restaurants and coffee shops I usually go to.

But certain things need to be sacrificed. A decision had to be made. And it’s all been done. Next month I will be adjusting to a new life in a new city. I’m crossing my fingers that all will turn out well.

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